Anxiety and Worries
We all want our children to be happy, so it can be upsetting when they are feeling sad, worried or anxious about something. It’s important to remember that most of the time, these feelings are entirely normal and will soon pass.
What is anxiety?
When our brains perceive danger – real or imagined - it signals to us to get ready to protect and defend ourselves. Everyday stressors, like taking a test, falling out with friends or struggling in a lesson can trigger a ‘fight-flight-freeze’ response and cause your child to feel worried or scared.
Taking the time to listen, problem-solve and reassure is often enough to help children feel happier and move on. Over time, their brains learn to more accurately assess threats to their safety and wellbeing, becoming better able to cope when things are difficult.
However, for some children, the stresses they face make it hard to overcome anxiety and they can become ‘stuck’ in a cycle of negative-thinking, excessive worry and low mood.
The following situations and events can make it difficult for some children to cope:
Experiencing lots of change at once, such as moving house and schools.
Struggling at school for a prolonged period, either with friendships or lessons.
Having unrealistic expectations placed on them by parents or carers.
Being exposed to parental conflict, which undermines their sense of safety.
Spending lots of time with someone who is very anxious.
Experiencing one or more ‘adverse life experiences’, such as bereavement, divorce, homelessness, abuse or neglect.
What you can do if you’re worried about your child’s anxiety:
In the moment, it might be helpful to guide them through a deep breathing exercise to help calm their nervous system.
Grounding exercises are also useful for helping your child to re-focus on the ‘here and now’, rather than worrying about what may or may not happen in the future.
Help your child to identify any triggers for their anxiety, as well as things that help ease reduce it.
Remind them that feelings are not facts and that our thoughts are not always realistic. Are they using unhelpful thinking styles?
Challenge their thoughts. Is there factual evidence to support their thinking? What other reasons might there be? Can they re-frame what they are thinking to be more realistic?
Designated ‘talk-times’ can help your child to manage their worries throughout the day, if they know they are going to have an opportunity to share their concerns. This is best done well before bedtime.
Try to keep to a consistent, daily routine for mealtimes and sleep to help your child balance their emotions.
If nothing seems to be helping:
Make an appointment with your GP if your child’s anxiety starts to significantly impact their well-being.
Explore with your child’s class teacher what additional support your child might need to help them manage their anxiety in school.
Useful resources
CBT Triangle – thoughts, feelings, behaviour
Fight, Flight, Freeze – for younger children